Our team is so bad ...
Did you hear the sad news? Our team is so bad that our shortstop tried to kill herself yesterday by jumping in front of a car. Luckily in went right through her legs like everything else.
You know you're a softball junkie if...
You need a second job (or your parents do) just to pay for gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, batting cages, etc...
Your second job is umpiring at softball games.
Your idea of spending quality time with your spouse is playing on the same co-ed team.
You have more than one bat that cost over $200.
You go to the softball fields on nights your team isn't even playing.
You used to rest and relax on the weekends, now the only rest you get is between games at a tournament.
You think "wearing something nice" means an all-tournament shirt with no dirt stains.
When someone says they are going out of town this weekend you ask if there is a tournament there.
All your white socks have dirt stains from playing softball.
Your idea of a weekend getaway is a two-day tournament in (insert town name).
You have a tattoo that says softball forever.
You plan your summer vacation each year around the state softball tournament.
You own more softball t-shirts than pairs of underwear.
Your girlfriend / boyfriend knows when you ask them out to dinner you really mean pizza after the game.
You tape your bat handles with various designs and use only tape with team colors.
An Umpires View Of Softball
How many softball players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Impossible! They are too busy complaining about the last call.
What is the difference between a softball player and a puppy?
A puppy will eventually stop whining!
What do you call a basement full of softball players?
A whine cellar.
Top 10 Signs Your Team Won't Be in the Champion...
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR TEAM WON'T BE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
10. Team's idea of a double play is two songs back-to-back on the radio.
9. The most popular dugout phrase is, "Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up! She's up."
8. Players refuse to slide for fear of ruining their hair and nails.
7. Coach's new exercise video features his walking to the mound after every pitch.
6. Players keep pointing at the bat and saying "Is this some kinda ball-wackin' stick?"
5. You get yelled at by the umps because your team is slow getting on the field, and they are all still at the concession stand.
4. Players always complain because you can't mathematically give 110%.
3. On pop fouls the catcher actually has to come out of the dugout.
2. Your best hitter's nickname is "Slugger" because she's already beat up four girls in the dugout - this inning.
1. The team's chant in the field is "Hey batter, batter, hit it at her"!
Top 10 Ways to start off on the wrong foot ...
10. Get a Single, then say, "I've never done that before".
9. Show up with makeup smudges on your new uniform shirt.
8. Bring your 20 year old wooden bat.
7. Wear white socks with lace on the tops.
6. Ask them before the game, "which direction do you run in this league?"
5. Show up with your shirt stuffed so you look pumped up.
4. Show up to play catcher in full baseball catcher gear.
3. Lay down a bunt in your first at-bat and yell "BOOOOM!!!" when you do.
2. Point out the hot guys in the stands, before realizing it is your coaches sons.
1. Where your white cleats, blue jean shorts and golf glove to play.
Watching Your Team Lose
Softball is better than baseball because you don't have to watch your team lose for NINE innings.
Q: Why was the piano tuner hired to play on the softball team?
A: Beacause she had perfect pitch.
Q: Why did the softball fan take his car to the game?
A: He heard it was a long drive to center field.
Q:Why was the chef hired to coach the softball team?
A: Beacause he knew how to handle a batter.
Q: Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?
A: Because you have a short stop between second and third.
Q: How do athletes stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans!
Q: What does softball have in common with pancakes?
A: They both rely on the batter!
Q: What’s harder to catch the faster you run?
A: Your breath!
Q: Why did the police go to the softball game?
A: Because someone was stealing a base!
Q: What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
A: One catches drops; the other drops catches.
Q: What’s the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket?
A: One watches steals; the other steals watches.
Q: What was a spider doing on a softball field?
A: Catching flies.